Now the Twist Here is that some of them I’m making up and Some of them I’m NOT. I’m not going to say which ones are which, because before you know it some people will be sending me examples of how I’m wrong (or right) and I’m already ashamed enough of the human race.
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D and D Style
Every movement and phrase, every attempt to remove an article of clothing or change position, has to be preceded by a toss of the dice. A Sexual Dungeon Master has to be present to oversee the rules and regulations as well as plot the next move. Roll high and you “successfully flip that bitch over and stay in”; roll low and your penis ends up in the flower pot and you lose 2 hit points.
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Completely Disinterested Style
Both partners select an activity that takes focus but isn’t exciting enough to kill the mood completely.
So while you’re doggy styling, you’re also solving Sudoku and she’s learning the stock market on a laptop. The point is to prolong sex, defeat premature ejaculation, increase multi-tasking skill, and maybe psychologically abuse your partner if you forgot to tell them the style changed.
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Warcraft Style
If you’ve ever played World of Warcraft, you’ve probably imagined this at least once, and yes, that’s ridiculous. The “appeal” is that a Female Night Elf in undies can feel more focused than plain old cybersex, until you remember it might actually be an unshaven 35-year-old male janitor on the other side. I understand it, but you are still pathetic tools, and I’m not proud that I know this much.
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Glory-Holing
This one is actually a fetish and has several websites dedicated to it. A Glory-Hole is a hole in a wall/stall/bathroom/barrel/etc where you put your penis through and hope the mystery favors you.
Well now you know a little more about yourselves, and why I hate you all.
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