Loud comedy essays, fake news, and field guides.https://www.fuhnny.com/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/behold-me-mortals/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/behold-me-mortals/COFFEE: Yes, it’s been a while since I had too much coffee — but now… BEHOLD ME, MORTALS. Transcendence I burst forth like a xenomorph through the chest cavity…Sun, 06 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMTHot Takeshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/my-ai-adventure/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/my-ai-adventure/FakeDM.com provides really interesting, funny, and cool artificial intelligence driven chat experiences where you get to interface with a digital dungeon maste…Sat, 13 May 2023 00:00:00 GMTMessageshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/caffeine-laced-coffee-rant/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/caffeine-laced-coffee-rant/I'm a fan of coffee, we all know this. What you don't know is that I have imbibed the "Brown Juice of Justice" as i call it in order to transcend all mortal bo…Thu, 05 Dec 2019 00:00:00 GMTHot Takeshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/toomuchcaffeine/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/toomuchcaffeine/COFFEE: As I drank a cappuccino too quickly today I felt my mind fly ever deeper into the void. Past the microscopic, the sub atomic, the quantum theoretical.…Tue, 09 Apr 2019 00:00:00 GMTHot Takeshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/its-how-you-say-it/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/its-how-you-say-it/I used to work at a retail job a long time ago, and when I would walk in every day a certain manager would always cheerily say “Hey how are you!?” And for mont…Mon, 11 Sep 2017 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/generate-a-letter-to-a-friend/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/generate-a-letter-to-a-friend/‍ ‍Wed, 09 Aug 2017 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/choose-your-own-wikihow-adventure/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/choose-your-own-wikihow-adventure/Going down the rabbit hole of WikiHow's "Random Article" button can be a productive experience. You can pick up some desert island skills. You can also learn s…Wed, 10 May 2017 00:00:00 GMTField Guideshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/the-aberration-on-holly-street-hp-lovecraft-fan-fiction/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/the-aberration-on-holly-street-hp-lovecraft-fan-fiction/I dared my friend Alex "Prozac" Cohen to write an HP Lovecraft Fan Fiction story in 20 minutes and the son of a bitch did it. Do Enjoy this dark and Lovecrafti…Thu, 09 Feb 2017 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/reaching-the-singularity/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/reaching-the-singularity/yeah, I think it can die So can we all I'm pretty sure we will I plan on not I’m hoping the singularity will come before I die I need to upload my consciousnes…Wed, 18 Jan 2017 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/the-wild-world-of-bill-paxton/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/the-wild-world-of-bill-paxton/Well I was chatting with my good buddy Joe "The Giraffe" Krol, and got to talking about our mutual love of the one and only Bill Paxton. Often considered the f…Mon, 09 Jan 2017 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/easter-themed-movie-sequels/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/easter-themed-movie-sequels/Easter Themed Movie Sequels? Captain Jesus 2: The Spring Soldier Son of the Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Jesus 2: The Re bourne Ultimatum 2 Christ…Sun, 01 Jan 2017 00:00:00 GMTListshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-10/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-10/Was getting over a cold/cough last week that was dragging me down. So I stopped drinking coffee and just focused on getting better for a while. So I got back t…Tue, 27 Sep 2016 00:00:00 GMTHot Takeshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-9/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-9/So usually I have one cup of coffee in the mornings and this weekend I only had coffee once. Then today like a genius I had a tall red bull. My heart is a fire…Tue, 27 Sep 2016 00:00:00 GMTHot Takeshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/titanic-is-a-gigantic-conspiracy/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/titanic-is-a-gigantic-conspiracy/I have an ongoing theory with Joe Krol that the movie Titanic is basically a story about torturing Bill Paxton by telling him a meandering 9 hour story about l…Tue, 27 Sep 2016 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-8/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-8/Me: Hey Coffee, I don’t ever want to take you for granted.‍ Coffee: … ‍Me: Well every time you burn my mouth, it reminds me that I have to cherish you, or it w…Fri, 27 May 2016 00:00:00 GMTHot Takeshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/considered-caffeinated-and-extremely-enlightened/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/considered-caffeinated-and-extremely-enlightened/Coffee Level: 10/12I had extra strong coffee with a shot of espresso. I think i can squat thrust a fighter jet full of wolves. I just invented a new form of ma…Wed, 23 Mar 2016 00:00:00 GMTHot Takeshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-7/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-7/Me: Spits Out Red Bull Coffee you're here early. Coffee: ... Me: Ah yes, this is Red Bull I was just in the mood for something different. Coffee: ... Me: No no…Mon, 21 Mar 2016 00:00:00 GMTHot Takeshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-6/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-6/Me: Coffee, I think it’s time we see where this relationship is going. Coffee: …. Me: I know, I know you don’t like labels, I just, can’t stop thinking about y…Thu, 25 Feb 2016 00:00:00 GMTHot Takeshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-5/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-5/Coffee: …. Me: …. Coffee: ….. Me: ….. You’re right, I’m glad we can just enjoy each other with silence sometimes. It’s nice. Coffee: …Wed, 24 Feb 2016 00:00:00 GMTHot Takeshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-3/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-3/Me: You listen here Coffee. I have a very particular set of skills and I will find you, and I WILL drink you. Coffee: … Me: No Mr. Coffee, I expect you to die.…Tue, 23 Feb 2016 00:00:00 GMTHot Takeshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-4/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-4/Me: Coffee, I almost forgot to drink you today…Coffee: …Me: Aww don’t be like that Coffee, I’ve just been distracted lately. Coffee: …! Me: You’re right, You’r…Tue, 23 Feb 2016 00:00:00 GMTHot Takeshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/even-more-terrible-ok-cupid-headlines/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/even-more-terrible-ok-cupid-headlines/We had a lot of good feedback on the latest batch of "Terrible OK Cupid Headlines". We've come up with another batch of terrible headlines for a dating profile…Wed, 17 Feb 2016 00:00:00 GMTListshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/absolutely-terrible-ok-cupid-profile-headlines/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/absolutely-terrible-ok-cupid-profile-headlines/If you've ever meandered around in the dirty and terrifying world of online dating, you've probably had to fill out the dreaded headline — the "tagline" for yo…Fri, 12 Feb 2016 00:00:00 GMTListshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-2/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-2/Me: Oh Coffee, take me away from all this to a cottage by the sea! Coffee: Burble.... Me: But Coffee!? You said we would love forever and die forever in each o…Sat, 23 Jan 2016 00:00:00 GMTHot Takeshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-1/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-diaries---part-1/So tired this morning, set the coffeemaker at work to strongest coffee. Then added a shot of espresso. I think i can read the thoughts of ants, and predict the…Wed, 23 Dec 2015 00:00:00 GMTHot Takeshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-take-me-away/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/coffee-take-me-away/So tired this morning, set the coffeemaker at work to strongest coffee. Then added a shot of espresso. I think i can read the thoughts of ants, and predict the…Mon, 23 Nov 2015 00:00:00 GMTHot Takeshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/im-prov-cthulhus-keeper/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/im-prov-cthulhus-keeper/SicSemper: Yeah, plan theta is going smoothly. WeaselBringer: I thought this was gamma?! Turn off the electric fence the land squids must be terrified!! SicSem…Wed, 07 Oct 2015 00:00:00 GMTMessageshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/video-how-not-to-break-up---unicorn-porn/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/video-how-not-to-break-up---unicorn-porn/https://youtu.be/yBv2BHNVenI The Sketch Comedy Group Unicorn Porn shows you "How Not to Break Up" with a series of shorts, showing you the wrong ways to do it.…Mon, 20 Jul 2015 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/video-guy-on-a-phone-movie-review-mad-max/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/video-guy-on-a-phone-movie-review-mad-max/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFoCWG Lm48 Starring: Sean Beering Narrator/Interviewer: Adam Aragon Music: Matlock Zumsteg & Adam Aragon A man distracted on h…Mon, 25 May 2015 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/video-guy-on-a-phone---movie-review-insurgent/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/video-guy-on-a-phone---movie-review-insurgent/https://youtu.be/oU7yAFTBFzI An in depth review of the film "Insurgent" by a man distracted by his cell phone. Starring: Matlock Zumsteg — Guy on a phone Inter…Thu, 23 Apr 2015 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/what-hell-is-like/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/what-hell-is-like/From the catholics to the god damned Catholics there has been the constant threat of Hell, damnation, purgatory, and every other thing that happens when god se…Thu, 09 Oct 2014 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/video-pussy-whipped-the-musical/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/video-pussy-whipped-the-musical/4 Men who are straight up gangstas, playing cards talking trash about women. When the mood is interrupted by some phone calls that show their softer side. Mayb…Wed, 20 Aug 2014 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/video-the-wet-door-sketch/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/video-the-wet-door-sketch/The Wet Door Sketch A Visual Concept by: Matlock Zumsteg Conceivably Conceived by: Matt "God" Keen Conceptualized by: Adam Aragon Conveniently Misappropriated…Wed, 20 Aug 2014 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/video-the-last-piece-of-chicken/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/video-the-last-piece-of-chicken/Edited & Directed by: Adam Aragon Written by: Adam Aragon Written by: Jay Taylor Starring: Jay Taylor Starring: Matlock Zumsteg Starring: Joe Krol Starring: St…Tue, 19 Aug 2014 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/audio-sketch-friend-with-the-annoying-voice/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/audio-sketch-friend-with-the-annoying-voice/An Audio Comedy Sketch by Fuhnny.com Starring: Matlock Zumsteg (Annoying Voice Guy) Adam Aragon (Adam) Jay Taylor (Gary) A group of friends who make all the wr…Sun, 13 Jul 2014 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/funny-95-5-radio-spots/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/funny-95-5-radio-spots/Hey remember me? I'm Adam and I run this website, and I just wanted to share the latest bit of fame that's come my way. Yes unlike you unwashed peasants that d…Wed, 26 Jun 2013 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/when-you-are-brushing-your-teeth-while-driving/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/when-you-are-brushing-your-teeth-while-driving/When you are brushing your teeth while driving, it is important to have the same location for the toothbrush and toothpaste, spit cup and water bottle. The spi…Wed, 05 Jun 2013 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/what-john-did-last-night/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/what-john-did-last-night/Vincent: Is John with you? Adam: Yes Vincent: I just wanted to make sure he's not in jail Adam: Yes but we're leaving for Mexico because of "the incident" Vinc…Sat, 23 Feb 2013 00:00:00 GMTMessageshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/mad-lib-stay-in-touch-with-friends/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/mad-lib-stay-in-touch-with-friends/Hello, It's been a while, quite a while, about 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Number Seconds Minutes Days Months Years Centuries Zabnarks Lifetimes Unit of Time if memory…Wed, 01 Aug 2012 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/metaphorical-conversation/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/metaphorical-conversation/Adam: Love Rachel: Bitter indifference Adam: Questionable caring? Rachel: Airy dismissal Adam: Intense mood swing Adam: Snarky comment about dismissal Rachel:…Wed, 23 May 2012 00:00:00 GMTMessageshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/how-sex-is-like-pizza/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/how-sex-is-like-pizza/Adam: Did you know sex is like pizza? Rachel : You can get them both from pizza delivery boys, if porn is to be believedRachel : what else....um.... Adam: even…Thu, 22 Mar 2012 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/the-bag-of-dicks-is-half-full/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/the-bag-of-dicks-is-half-full/Adam: SUCK A BAG OF DICKS Kyle: Well Kyle: I'll suck on the bag Kyle: But not the dicks themselves Adam: Okay but it's leaking Adam: It's a paper bag Kyle: So,…Tue, 10 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMTMessageshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/the-science-of-fighting-orphans/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/the-science-of-fighting-orphans/Adam: He would kick down the door of that orphanage and say "look, some of you don't have parents, and that's sad, but I'm gonna burn this place down, and if y…Fri, 02 Dec 2011 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/so-youd-like-to-work-at-fuhnny-com/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/so-youd-like-to-work-at-fuhnny-com/Hello Potential Candidate. We've prepared a brief application for you. Your first step to your new job at Fuhnny.com Please fill out all answers to the best of…Thu, 17 Nov 2011 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/improv-internal-penguin-wound/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/improv-internal-penguin-wound/Sean: I once ate a penguin whole Sean: Well not all at once, but the whole thing Adam: Are you okay Adam: Oh Adam: Well like what over the course of a week Ada…Wed, 14 Sep 2011 00:00:00 GMTMessageshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/christina-ricci-why-wont-you-love-me/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/christina-ricci-why-wont-you-love-me/Dear Christina,It's me Adam. Adam Allyne from Fuhnny.com. You probably don't remember me, and that's because we've never met or spoken. However I remember you.…Mon, 12 Sep 2011 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/review-bucky-larson-born-to-be-a-star/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/review-bucky-larson-born-to-be-a-star/Caught Bucky Larson this weekend, twice. With unexpected results. When I first saw the trailer for Bucky Larson it looked awful. Any movie that capitalizes on…Mon, 12 Sep 2011 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/the-new-zodiac-and-your-horoscope/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/the-new-zodiac-and-your-horoscope/The Signs of the New (Fuhnny) Zodiac Special Thanks to Joe Krol Fuhnny.com Went and dug through some ancient ruins and found the Ancient Russian Gaelic Postmod…Mon, 29 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMTListshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/how-i-quit-working-at-borders/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/how-i-quit-working-at-borders/Now that Border's has gone all Chapter 11 and is liquidating all their stores. I'm reminded of the brief stint I had as a Border's Employee. It was one of the…Wed, 24 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/facebook-in-a-nutshell/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/facebook-in-a-nutshell/Special Thanks to Sean Beering who initiated the best Facebook Rant/Story ever. I think this sums up the world as we know it, quite nicely. Enjoy. PS: The name…Wed, 03 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/published-sandwich-of-the-future/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/published-sandwich-of-the-future/My short story, "Sandwich of the Future" was entered into a contest to be read on an radio/podcast show. Smoke & Mirrors was kind enough to select me and have…Wed, 03 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/et-tu-poison/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/et-tu-poison/Adam: Haven't heard from her in years, didn't know if she just off and died like the other women you date Brendan: That's happened once, and I had almost nothi…Wed, 22 Jun 2011 00:00:00 GMTMessageshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/dangerous-activities-lizard-camping/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/dangerous-activities-lizard-camping/We like to do IMprovisation, which is improv via instant messenger. To that note we've come up with several improvised conversations about dangerous activities…Tue, 24 May 2011 00:00:00 GMTMessageshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/our-new-name-fuhnny-com/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/our-new-name-fuhnny-com/Hello you filthy readers. For a good long time, we've labored under the moniker "CrotchMail" because we think crotches are funny. However, due in part to this…Fri, 20 May 2011 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/how-to-avoid-awful-customers/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/how-to-avoid-awful-customers/Our new writer Joe "Dickinya" Krol has joined the team at Crotchmail and will be whipping out his several inches of funny here on occaision. We hope you like h…Wed, 29 Sep 2010 00:00:00 GMTField Guideshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/headboard-jessica/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/headboard-jessica/(Note: the Names of some people have been changed to protect the no longer innocent)(Also Note: This story is graphic, sexually disturbing and awesome, please…Wed, 15 Sep 2010 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/so-very-rich/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/so-very-rich/Greetings filthy masses, this is Edmunton Rofflebottom the 3rd Esquire. I have been instructed by my famous psychiatrist to write about my feelings about being…Tue, 07 Sep 2010 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/game-review-round-up/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/game-review-round-up/Crotchmail is mainly one person... me. But I play a lot of video games when I'm not generating oodles of hilarious and I've blown through a lot of disappointin…Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/chloroform-flavored-tequila/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/chloroform-flavored-tequila/WeaselBringer lolIsn't that what the chloroform is for? I just had a lightbulbChloroform flavored tequila.... Strikerhmm.. interesting, but I think you actuall…Wed, 28 Jul 2010 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/dad-didnt-beat-me-once/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/dad-didnt-beat-me-once/When I was about 15 or 16 I went to a school dance in Cloverdale. Cloverdale has a population of about 3000 (or it did at the time) and was the very definition…Wed, 14 Jul 2010 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/obscure-love-metaphors-and-similes/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/obscure-love-metaphors-and-similes/Special thanks to Sean "SicSemper" Beering My love for you is geometrically greater than my love for math My love for you is mainly derived from the essence of…Tue, 06 Jul 2010 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/strange-baby-names/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/strange-baby-names/My good friend God "The Lord" Stockton is apparently spawning a child, I think his wife is involved as well, but to be honest I don't like to pry into the myst…Tue, 06 Jul 2010 00:00:00 GMTListshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/make-a-bathroom-break-last-forever/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/make-a-bathroom-break-last-forever/In some of my more slacker days, I've worked a lot of corporate/office jobs. And as any good cubicle veteran can tell you; The bathroom is your friend. I'm goi…Tue, 29 Jun 2010 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/how-i-learned-to-stop-hating-the-french/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/how-i-learned-to-stop-hating-the-french/(Or How I conquered Racism, all by myself) Dear Readers, Far be it from me to take time on a simple blog to explain my own convoluted ideas, or preconceptions.…Mon, 24 May 2010 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/i-fall-in-love-with-strippers/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/i-fall-in-love-with-strippers/A lot of people probably say they fall in love with strippers. After all, any single guy wandering into the smoky den of the strippers gets undue attention, su…Thu, 25 Mar 2010 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/new-book-release-crotchmail-the-reckoning/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/new-book-release-crotchmail-the-reckoning/About the author:Adam Aragon is the uncouth and deranged author of CrotchMail.com and several other blogs, websites, and tv and theatre projects. He hails from…Wed, 17 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/lemur-gun-inside-a-baby/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/lemur-gun-inside-a-baby/12:02:50 PM sikkitten: howdie 12:03:05 PM weaselbringer: what! stop judging me!! 12:03:15 PM weaselbringer: oh sorry I thought you were the instant message tha…Mon, 25 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/jesus-haunts-my-itunes/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/jesus-haunts-my-itunes/So apparently the good lord above has deemed it necessary to infiltrate my iTunes playlist to show me the errors of my ways. Let me explain. Like any good amer…Thu, 17 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/state-superiority-3/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/state-superiority-3/2:56:57 PM sikkitten: how's life in the cool state? 2:57:18 PM weaselbringer: pretty amazing, they changed all the air in california to cherry flavored 2:57:33…Tue, 08 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/a-guy-reviews-new-moon-twilight/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/a-guy-reviews-new-moon-twilight/So I've just gone and seen New Moon, or as I like to call it "Twilight 2: The Reckoning". Let's get the basics out of the way, I'm male and straight (enough) a…Sun, 22 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/modern-warfare-2-a-conversation/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/modern-warfare-2-a-conversation/10:37:04 AM Cliff: So you diggin the MW2 action? 11:30:47 AM WeaselBringer: It's pretty fricking rad 11:30:58 AM WeaselBringer: Doubt I'll play it multiplayer…Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMTMessageshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/classic-customer-service/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/classic-customer-service/From the old Devil's Newsletter Day's Here's some more examples of customer service letters that would likely get you fired WeaselBringer: Dear waste of human…Wed, 28 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/customer-serve-this/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/customer-serve-this/Dear Franni Drepshanksizzlekeynips, Thank you for your inquiry. We have investigated your order. ( 66675859) We were unable to find anything at first. And then…Wed, 28 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/birthday-post-28-years/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/birthday-post-28-years/Birthday Post (or What I've learned in 28 years) Here's a list of some of the important things I've learned in 28 years: Your greatest hopes and dreams from wh…Wed, 02 Sep 2009 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/does-facebook-trump-myspace/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/does-facebook-trump-myspace/More and more Myspace feels like the ugly annoying younger sibling of facebook. With FB's clean content, very secure environments and lack of dazzling shitty c…Thu, 06 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/the-hangover-strikes-back/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/the-hangover-strikes-back/Jesus Monkey Flavored ChristI woke up today with a hangover that gave me super powers. Power that allow me to feel pain and misery unlike any person before. Li…Sat, 25 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/more-not-yet-famous-quotes/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/more-not-yet-famous-quotes/More quotes of mine that aren't famous yet, but will be soon, I'm pretty sure... General Quotes People drink to erase their pain and solve their problems, whic…Fri, 05 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMTListshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/girls-are-like-metaphors/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/girls-are-like-metaphors/Everything about you gives me koala feet. You don't know koala feet? That's when a koala gets so dumbstruck by something beautiful in nature like a rock or a b…Tue, 28 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/why-google-can-have-my-privacy/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/why-google-can-have-my-privacy/Google, go ahead, take my privacy. Why? Because Google rocks, they can have my privacy, all of it, I trust them. Fly Google Fly, like the bedazzled sexy phoeni…Wed, 08 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/one-smart-dog/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/one-smart-dog/This is a great JokeA butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks o…Fri, 13 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/quantum-hamsters/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/quantum-hamsters/2:19:37 PM weaselbringer: you deserve everything bad that's happened... ever... especially football related disadvantages 2:20:02 PM SikKitten: ...why?! 2:24:1…Tue, 03 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/not-yet-famous-quotes/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/not-yet-famous-quotes/Here's some of my (almost) famous Quotes: Life is all about gathering enough boring stories to last you the rest of it. It's like my father used to say to me,…Thu, 22 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMTListshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/sushi-is-complicated/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/sushi-is-complicated/Dude, Sushi is so complicated. Keep in mind, this is like an old school Japanese documentary, but still it shows that we're a bunch of dirty heathens. Ironical…Thu, 22 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/found-on-the-internet/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/found-on-the-internet/Sometimes you get some weird emails... Dear Zack, The girls all loved it. Each of us orgasmed like 500 times during the class and we were doing that weird fema…Fri, 16 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/state-superiority-2/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/state-superiority-2/2:25:10 PM sikkitten: anything new and exciting in CA? 2:29:39 PM sikkitten: entertain meeeeeee! 2:30:50 PM weaselbringer: all of california is now a sovereign…Tue, 13 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/state-superiority/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/state-superiority/3:03:48 PM sikkitten: so how are you? 3:03:58 PM sikkitten: anything new and exciting in the land of CA? 3:05:38 PM weaselbringer: oh yeah, they just implement…Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/bah-cah-rahdee-a-story-in-rhyme/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/bah-cah-rahdee-a-story-in-rhyme/It was a numbing night on friday late,and everything was quiet,Brant and Jay were there, the tone was violent,and oblivious of our fate. We had a fifth of just…Tue, 11 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/unlikely-disney-sequels/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/unlikely-disney-sequels/This is an OLD entry from the origins of CrotchMail (formerly Devil's Newsletter) Some of these sequel numbers have actually come to exist, so take the accurac…Tue, 11 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMTListshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/list-of-article-names-that-always-get-dugg/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/list-of-article-names-that-always-get-dugg/I'm an avid Digg fan, but as time goes on you start to see the same crap over and over again, and it seems that you could just bookmark about 5 websites and pr…Wed, 24 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMTListshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/attention-deficient-delight/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/attention-deficient-delight/So here's a little insight, into how my brain works. I'm standing in line at the coffee shop, the clerk looks bored and slightly put out. It occurs to me that…Fri, 08 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/eloquent-road-rage/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/eloquent-road-rage/So now that I've joined the ranks of the low down and filthy commuter, I'm on the freeway for about 2 3 hours every day. And when I'm not listening to The Wood…Fri, 18 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/the-korean-hacker-scandal/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/the-korean-hacker-scandal/(Or What happened to Crotchmail)Many of you may have noticed that Crotchmail went down for several weeks, and that it was officially "Banned by Google" for tha…Tue, 01 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/things-to-do-on-a-rainy-day/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/things-to-do-on-a-rainy-day/Here's some things you can do to while away a rainy day. Become immortal. The fast version is disguising yourself as leftovers and writing "Expires 10/07/2003"…Wed, 23 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMTListshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/how-to-get-a-job/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/how-to-get-a-job/by: M. Gordon Lately I have been noticing that more and more people are entering the workplace. Some are returning to work after an injury or pregnancy, some a…Fri, 11 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMTField Guideshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/top-ten-reasons-i-didnt-write-an-article/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/top-ten-reasons-i-didnt-write-an-article/Today was the day I was planning on writing an article, but then again you ass clowns don't pay me. So instead I've devised a list of the top ten reasons that…Mon, 07 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMTListshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/ways-to-have-sex-that-youve-never-heard-of/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/ways-to-have-sex-that-youve-never-heard-of/Now the Twist Here is that some of them I'm making up and Some of them I'm NOT. I'm not going to say which ones are which, because before you know it some peop…Sun, 30 Dec 2007 00:00:00 GMTListshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/there-is-no-god/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/there-is-no-god/Yesterday a military court found Private Lynndie England, a sort of David Lynchian take on Gomer Pyle, guilty of abusing inmates at the Abu Ghraib prison. The…Thu, 29 Sep 2005 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/the-future-of-gaming/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/the-future-of-gaming/There's been a lot of talk about the upcoming "Console Wars" See our earlier article about Xbox360 vs PS3. We think it would be better to focus on the future o…Thu, 15 Sep 2005 00:00:00 GMTRantshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/x360-vs-ps3-a-dialogue/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/x360-vs-ps3-a-dialogue/[10:59] WeaselBringer: Xbox 360 had Perfect Dark Zero for a 'Halo style flagship game' but they lost it due to delays, so they're trying to decide what the fla…Wed, 07 Sep 2005 00:00:00 GMTMessageshttps://www.fuhnny.com/posts/my-trip-to-vegas/https://www.fuhnny.com/posts/my-trip-to-vegas/Not that I haven't written about Vegas before. But I recently took my 4 day vacation to vegas and it went down like this. The Airport(tiny and ridiculous) The…Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 GMTRants