State Superiority #2

weaselbringer says:

all of california is now a sovereign state and everyone has been declared king

weaselbringer says:

it's been determined by our governor (who has saved the world many times - according to the historical videos) that we will need the rest of the US to act as our subjects in order to support this many "Kings"

weaselbringer says:

But he's assured us that we are all indeed god's chosen few, plus we banned religion and made abortion mandatory for anyone with an IQ below 15

weaselbringer says:

I cheated on my "Smart enough to live in calfornia test" to get 156 so... free abortions

weaselbringer says:

We're also all gods, so we're our own chosen few to be king by the only deity we acknowledge which is ourselves

weaselbringer says:

its very complicated for you "Other" people

weaselbringer says:

Lesser Known

weaselbringer says:

we also killed the dinosaurs, but I think we've made up for that

weaselbringer says:

Dude, they were SO rude, I"m talking aggro

weaselbringer says:

they were all, "Why are you causing catastrophic earthquakes and poisonous typhoons and" blah blah blah, I swear if they could keep their mind off their meat and their eggs for ONE Second

weaselbringer says:

they wouldn't have been wiped out

weaselbringer says:

but no, it's always eat eat eat with them and then breed and protect these eggs, or go eat the eggs, brains the size of kittens you know...

weaselbringer says:

not the good kind

weaselbringer says:

Calfornia invented Kittens you know...

weaselbringer says:

Before that they use to just come out full grown and grumpy

weaselbringer says:

Plus they used to shoot venom but california banned creepy shit in 190

weaselbringer says:

although I think it may be time to re-define that term

weaselbringer says:

1904's version of creepy was all "Hooligans dropping trash outside of designated receptacles and off-colour jokes" but I think the times may have changed slightly

weaselbringer says:

California's first governor was Zeus, and since then, we've determined each governor by their perceived "Ability to wrestle a hydra"

weaselbringer says:

Which explains why Davis was booted and Schwarzenegger is IN baby

weaselbringer says:

I'm guessing that on your filthy plot of ill-gotten land that you guys probably draw straws or blindfold the electorates and spin them around and let them pick the governor by the age-old "Duck duck goose" theorem, but we've found that to be a little trite

weaselbringer says:

usually the aliens (that only our state has contact with) sends down a few recommendations along with our next shipment of flying cars and magic wands

weaselbringer says:

Ah yes snow, the frozen dirty rain of the upper who-gives-a-crap area of the US

weaselbringer says:

We have some of that too, but enough sense to shove it into piles on top of mountains for skiing, we also invented snow cones, up till then you people were just eating UNFLAVORED snow, cretins...

weaselbringer says:

Oh I'm sorry, you made a common outside-california mistake, you see the word awesome here means "Californian and/or Perfect in nature" where in the rest of the world it has another meaning, so what you PROBABLY meant to say was..

weaselbringer says:

"The craptastic craptastic of craptastic and we eat poo"

weaselbringer says:

it's a common mistake I wouldn't beat yourself up over it

weaselbringer says:

But if you'll excuse me I have to go post this on my blog, which you can now read to entertain yourself