Birthday Post (or What I’ve learned in 28 years) Here’s a list of some of the important things I’ve learned in 28 years:
Your greatest hopes and dreams from when you are younger will morph and fade away and become an urge to create a 401k
Always tip a dollar a drink at the bar.
You simply cannot eat an entire wheel of cheese without severe consequences
Don’t mix alcohol types in one night, if you HAVE to, limit it to 2 types MAXIMUM
The few times when you think you look really awesome, your fly is probably down
Awkward moments are hilarious and should be treated as such
Music, Movies and all Forms of mass entertainment aren’t nearly as important as you thought they were
It’s okay to re-read books
The best pick-up line is “Hello, my name is _______”
A tomato is neither a fruit nor a vegetable, but a spy for the coming alien armada
Here’s a list of the things I’ve FAILED to learn in 28 years, but should have:
You simply cannot eat an entire wheel of cheese without severe consequences.
You can’t get famous or rich off of being ‘Awesome’
While your friends think you’re funny, it’s best not to assume that you are funny to everyone
When a girl you don’t know smiles at you, check behind you to see if her boyfriend is there
Tell your friends you love them, but not in front of their coworkers, or they will look at you weird
Don’t call other peoples parents mom/dad/ma/pa/bitch/asshole
I can’t dance
Here’s a list of the things I want to do before I’m 30
Get written about in a magazine
Make money off the internet
Write a novel
Play Night-Time Frisbee
Burn the Confederate Flag
Make the best sandwich ever
Make a 401k… or a threesome, whichever comes first
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