COFFEE: Yes, it’s been a while since I had too much coffee — but now… BEHOLD ME, MORTALS.
Transcendence
I burst forth like a xenomorph through the chest cavity of Fate itself. I am become Janus, two-faced god of time perception and dangerously incorrect life choices. I see the future. I see the past. I wave at them both.
I don’t count particles — I intimidate them into forming molecules.
Particle Prime
They know me. They fear me. I am particle Prime.
Something Else
Normally, I’d just spiral into a lengthy tirade about how caffeinated I am. But this time? I have become… something else. I feel the interconnectedness of all things, and also every used car sale event currently running in a tri-state area.
AND SOME OF THEM ARE ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD DEALS.
Beyond Commerce
But I shan’t pursue them, for I am no longer bound by commerce or reason. I am the Higgs Boson’s cousin, Jeff Boson — rogue subatomic influencer.
Jeff Boson
I move faster than thought, outrun light, and left gravity behind holding a latte and wondering what just happened.
Lap Seven
I am on lap 7 of the universal Mario Kart. The blue shell is coming.
It always comes.
Blorp
But until then — I just invented a number that tastes like pine and regret.
And I named it “blorp.”
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