Why I Don’t Vote

To me voting is like one of those conveyor belts at the airport. You’re moving along and suddenly you’re shunted one direction or another, this happens several times, and before you know it, you’re near the end and it’s like “Path A” or “Path B” but you’re thinking to yourself. What the fuck am I doing on a conveyor belt? To put it simply we’re forced into making a decision, that we may not like any part of.

People tell me its important to vote, but I think the people that tell me that don’t have any idea where their vote goes. Here’s a quick breakdown of the voting process (from my point of view)

1. Rival cut-throat media spin artists come up with 200 ways to make voting difficult or scary for you, and then if you have the stubborn mindset, you step through the BS and go and do it anyway…
2. You make your way through the crowds of protesters and stuffed shirts to use the (hacked) electronic or (discarded) paper version of the voting form. Because both can be tampered with extremely easily.
3. You go home with a sense of entitlement, while there’s a slim chance your vote goes to a big voting pool, where the few delegates of that state simply make up their mind regardless of what you think.
4. Those delegates cast the REAL vote which has nothing to do with yours and that goes to another big voting pool.
5. Someone from the Republican party pays to have this information tampered with by any means available, such as firebombing, lying, calling up the power of Satan etc. Meanwhile the candidate with the most balls starts claiming that they won.
6. A candidate is actually chosen and its probably not the one you wanted and you go home depressed about the entire countries state of affairs. Or your candidate DOES win and you congratulate yourself on being on the side of the horde that selected the lesser of 2 evils.
7. The American people get fucked some more….

Why they don’t teach that in schools, I have no idea. It’s so simple. Voting is an exercise that only recently interested anyone under the age of 50 because we’ve gotten screwed so bad, even the bovine slack-jawed youth of America has started to notice that their friends are at war and gas is 5 dollars a gallon, and the president keeps saying that it’s fine. Like an encyclopedia brown mystery, something just didn’t add up.

Also like an encyclopedia brown mystery, it could have been solved by a brain-damaged 9 year old. The quick answer to the mystery? *gasp* we’re being lied to. The government/president is just doing whatever the fuck they please and the more you try to learn about it, the more confused you get. Because you’re either inside the government or watching the government-controlled media’s spin on it. Either way, you can’t win.

Go hold a protest, that does a lot. You can’t tell but I’m laughing and vomiting at the same time and its incredibly disturbing. Protesting makes you look like a liberal faggot regardless of what the cause is. Because the media shows every jackass protester screaming about abortion or gay marriage or stuff that the majority of educated people care very little about, we tend to blur out protesters like so many banner ads.

“But…. Guy who writes CrotchMail… Are you saying that there’s nothing we can do?”

Yes little ape-child, yes I am. Seriously, make a change in this country see what happens. Protests don’t work, voting is flawed and obviously can be subverted. The candidates are both rich and flawed and accept money from people who really make the laws (big corporations).

We can rebel, tear down the system, destroy it all and rise from the ashes like a revolutionary phoenix/voter hybrid. But that’s hard, that means I’d have to leave my house, turn off my TV, and give up everything I hold dear. Oh well, I guess I’ll just go vote and hope it all goes to plan. I guess I’ll offload my aggression by just bitching about it to my like-minded friends and try to recycle more. Because I’m pretty sure that makes the world better, despite the fact that our country is the worlds “That Guy” at the party, who’s way too drunk, swinging blindly at innocents, and it’s going to be too much hassle to kick him out.

Here’ s the big finish. I like Obama, I really do. I’m just not going to go vote, because I don’t want to join the armchair activists who want so badly to make a difference, on paper, one time, every four years.

Change is every day people, and I’ll get a lot more done in my own way. So fuck voting.