The Bag of Dicks is Half Full?

Kyle: well
Kyle: ill suck on the bag
Kyle: but not the dicks themselves
Adam: okay but it’s leaking
Adam: it’s a paper bag
Kyle: so, youre telling me
Adam: and overly full
Adam: it wasn’t well thought out
Kyle: that this paper bag
Kyle: what is it leaking?
Adam: all I’m saying is that you’re not getting off light here, by choosing just the bag
Adam: it doesn’t matter
Adam: you’ve agreed
Kyle: no it does
Kyle: and i will simply suck the top of the paper bag
Adam: This is a bag, that contains dicks, the state of the bag or the dicks was not in question
Adam: we have an agreement sir
Adam: honestly the top isn’t a whole lot better
Adam: these have been in my car for weeks
Adam: This won’t end well for you
Kyle: well, the leaking of said dicks would have occurred down and towards the bottom of the back
Kyle: if it was full enough to make the top wet
Kyle: the bag would have tipped over
Kyle: so one side of the bag would be relativley dry
Adam: I can see where your glimmer of hope comes from, but these have been sliding all around and quite frankly decomposing for some time, there no safe area of the bag
Adam: you won’t enjoy this
Adam: regardless of your positional pandering
Kyle: im just saying, unless you took your pos sedan off roading, it wouldnt have bounced around enough to actually defial the sid eof the back facing up
Adam: ok, I’ll just say it
Adam: the bag is wet
Kyle: and road driving would not have knocked all of the dicks out
Adam: mighty wet
Kyle: so
Adam: and it’s filled to capacity
Adam: this is going to be tragic
Kyle: they would have weighted down the bag enough to not get one side wet
Kyle: i think, based upon my perfectly logical reasoning above
Adam: I admire your positive outlook
Kyle : that you, sir, are a liar
Adam: however, this is bound to be something that will be a terrible experience fo ryou
Kyle: not to mention the fact that
Kyle: if the bag was as wet as you say
Kyle: it would have fallen apart due to the weight of the dicks inside
Kyle: and, therefore, would no longer be a bag of dicks
Adam: it’s barely a bag of dicks
Kyle: see, now youre changing your story
Adam: I think the act of simply trying to hold it
Adam: will be your downfall
Adam: It’s numerous dicks in a container, of sorts, let’s stop debating semantics
Adam: look I’ll just go get it and let you handle it any way you want
Kyle: but the sematics are the crux of the argument
Adam: you can even throw them away when you’re done
Kyle: based upon your previous statments, there is no way a paper container of any kind could have stood up to the abuse you are implying it was taking
Adam: You’re making it the crux, the crux of MY argument is that your mouth will contact this package that I will soon deliver to you at high speed
Adam: it’s a sturdy butcher paper bag
Kyle: even sturdy butcher paper degrades overtime
Adam: but they’re not indestructible
Adam: have you ever purchased a lot of pork at once?
Kyle: and weeks of decompoasing dicks
Kyle: oh yes
Adam: the bag will be intact enough for you to at least begin the journey of suckage on which you’ve agreed to undertake
Adam: the fellowship of kyle and his back suckage will at the very least leave rivendell
Adam: but I doubt you’ll get to mordor if I can continue the the metaphor
Kyle: the bag will fall apart during its inital transit to be presented to me, which is basicaly saying, using your previous analogy, that the bag wont make it out of the lonely mountain
Kyle: err metaphor
Adam: I will use all delicacy to make sure what remains of the bag will be intact enough for you to begin your no-doubt dangerous journey into bag-end-suckage
Adam: Bag-end being both a hobbit joke and physical reference to the part of the bag in question
Kyle : i still reject your suposition that the bag will be intact enough to still be considered a bag and, therefore, would not be a bag of dicks, which voids our inital argreement
Adam: We will find out sir! To the CAR!
Adam: (the end)
Kyle: this has gotten entirely too silly