Obscure Love Metaphors and Similes




Special thanks to Sean “SicSemper” Beering

  • My love for you is geometrically greater than my love for math
  • My love for you is mainly derived from the essence of domesticated pets
  • My heart fills with fluid causing a seizure every time you are near
  • You make me as Rational as Pi
  • You corrupt my logic Sub-Program
  • We will smash together like pornography made inside the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva.
  • Our flesh will intertwine like Jeff Goldlums body fused with the DNA of a fly in that fateful movie
  • I will take you out on a date so hard your body will suffer the bends from excessive g-forces.
  • Our love makes as much sense as a sudoku puzzle done by one of the chimps from that flight simulation movie.
  • Every word you speak  is like a butterfly, drinking my soul
  • If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a sexysaurus
  • If you were a smoothie, you’d be ginseng and wonderful
  • If you were a poisonous flower, I would make cakes from your venom and poison anyone who ever looked at you.
  • Your face is like a barracuda hunting my heart
  • My urge for you is like a blender on Frappe
  • Our lust is like a rednecks bonfire, raging into the old barn that missy stuffed with hay after she got mule-kicked.
  • Your smell is as intoxicating as 27 republicans on a bender and burying a hooker they killed with a nylon ligat.
  • Living a day without you is like Lindsay Lohan being sober, rare and terrible.
  • Your voice is like Siren’s superpower from X-Men, but it only works on my willpower.
  • My legs open for you like Torsion springs designed to do so.

Write in your own and I’ll add them to the article 🙂