We all remember the classic cartoons of our youth, whether they were brand new or, re-runs or just something we downloaded one day. The craze of Saturday Morning cartoons started a long time ago, and shows no signs of stopping. But sometimes when we think back to those original cartoons, like Looney Tunes and Hannah Barbara, you’re hard pressed to think of anything that had to do with the plot. Well I went back and looked at a few great examples and found out that usually the plot was minimal and barely formed at all. The excitement was all in the energy and that physical comedy, which is fine. But every now and again you’d see something truly odd or extraordinary, that probably can’t and won’t be duplicated today. Well in light of those great episodes of yesterday, I’ve included some Classic Cartoon Plots that will never see the light of day.
Theoretical Episode Title: Operation Bio-Hazard
Synopsis: The excitable coyote reaches the end of his rope after his latest ACME gadget sends him into a moving field-thresher operated by the damnable road runner. He bypasses ACME and contracts DARPA to create the ultimate roadrunner killing bio-agent called “Substance 5”, however his continual bad luck proves both infallible and fatal as the biological weapon only kills coyotes and Wile. E Coyote is heralded as the genocidal maniac who wipes out the entire population of coyotes on planet earth. The roadrunner, upon realizing he will never be chased again, becomes lax and is killed by a falling meteorite ironically made of several failed projects, that had been dumped in space, by the former Mr. Coyote.
Theoretical Episode Title: The darling Mrs. Hathaway
Synopsis: Bugs Bunny’s sometimes laughable habit of cross-dressing and pretending to be a woman in order to seduce bald hunters, begins to get out of hand. Prompting several of his close friends to initiate an intervention in an effort to halt bugs’ deviant qualities before something goes very wrong. This tips Bugs over the edge as he tunnels to Vegas in tears and shame. There he becomes an exotic dancer by the name of Beatrice Hathaway and seduces a rich oil baron into marrying him. The honeymoon is punctuated by murder after the subsequent (and doomed to fail) consumation of marriage. Bugs is tried as insane but is eventually convicted of murder in the first, due to his former mob ties. He is subjected to the electric chair over 28 times before finally succumbing to a bitter death.
Theoretical Episode Title: The Insidious Carnival
Synopsis: Scooby and the gang are dragged into yet another mystery when the abandoned carnival in the middle of Spooky Ridge Colorado, suddenly springs to life, seemingly of its own accord. This is accompanied by several murders in the surrounding area of all the original founders of the Carnival. At first the evidence points to Shaggy as the culprit but then the plot thickens when the entire gang in indicated in the murder. A twist is revealed when they un-mask the old owner of the carnival as Mr. Barnaby, the adopted father of Daphne, however he is unfortunately killed proving that the real killer still at large. When it turns out Scooby Snacks actually contain an acute hallucinogen which had caused Scooby a rare form of canina dementia. It is revealed that Scooby master-minded the entire endeavor and was hiding his evidence by gorging on the corpses of the victims. He is put down and replaced by a Beagle.
Theoretical Episode Title: Nano-Schmano
Synopsis: The lovable Jetsons in an amazingly prescient leap of logic, develop nano-technology on a super futuristic scale. Elroy injects these ultra-advanced nanites into himself and becomes an unstoppable and invincible killing machine. With the same fateful logic as purported in Isaac Asimov’s novels, the perfect machine decides that humanity is flawed and sets out to right the wrong of biology. Elroy imprisons his family and develops devastating future weapons using the factory at Spacely Sprockets as a starting point for human annihilation. Half the universe is wiped out before George gives his life to destroy Elroys robotic thinking center, the human race is set back thousands of years and the Jetsons are scorned as villians for the rest of eternity, with the exception of astro who is put down and replaced by a beagle.