Coffee Diaries – Part 9

So usually I have one cup of coffee in the mornings and this weekend I only had coffee once. Then today like a genius I had a tall red bull.

My heart is a fire engine that can shoot ironic fire. I want to bench-press Batman who is bench-pressing a lion that’s loaded with gold because we’re riding that bitch to El Dorado Motherfuckers. To put the. gold. back.

My eyes can see through my eyelids and I can tell when you’re lying at 30 paces. I can type so fast I’m melting keyboards and the whole internet feels like dial-up. I just learned and forgot Japanese for the sole purpose of writing a meme to a cat who I built out of molecules. Also I can move molecules.

My brain feels like it’s full of joyous ants who are each riding bee’s into an spastic orgy of ideas. I have 9 senses and 3 of them are geared toward thinking about writing a novel about writing novels that’s geared toward illiterate ghosts.

I want to chase bullets and phase through matter. This isn’t a coffee post. This is a red bull post. You’re a red bull. All is red. I’m a bull. THIS BULL IS A DEMON AND I WILL DEFEAT IT. Why are hummingbirds so slow!?