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Today was the day I was planning on writing an article, but then again you ass-clowns don’t pay me. Plus I’m feeling slow and drowsy from when I chugged NyQuil earlier and ran over a marching band made up of toddlers and chinchillas, as the rhythmic thumping of my large American car spraying adorable guts [...]

Now the Twist Here is that some of them I’m making up and Some of them I’m NOT. I’m not going to say which ones are which, because before you know it some people will be sending me examples of how I’m wrong (or right) and I’m already ashamed enough of the human race. D [...]

As I was talking to my good friend Jonathan “Jonk” Jonktastic, we started talking about the coolest ways to die. Then about the ways we would most likely die. Then, because I had the gusto to actually write it down on the internet, it became “The top ten ways FOR ME to Die” #1: Overdose [...]

I often see attempts at comedy both online and in the wild, where someone cracks a joke or passes on something they thought was funny but simply isn’t. Maybe because it used to be funny but isn’t anymore or it was never funny in the first place… To set the record straight, I’m giving you [...]

10 Interesting and Disconcerting Facts, about the Author Fact #1: I once lived for 7 months off only Shrimp Flavored Ramen Noodles, except for one time about 3 months in, where I cooked a frozen pizza in a home fireplace, it burned… I still ate it. Fact #2: I sometimes yearn for a tapeworm… Not [...]